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Both wanted to live in the other’s country, so Andre came up with a very practical solution: ‘Why don’t we get married? She could live in the States with him for a while, and after, he would live in Japan with her. Oddly enough, an opportunity to go to Japan came up in 2005. The Japanese girl was surprised but accepted the offer. However, the more time they spent together, the more they realised that they didn’t have much in common. Japan is a relatively well-off country, so a Japanese woman won’t usually marry a western man for a better life.
James is a British man who is said to have slept with more than 100 Japanese women. She was a rock musician but she dressed very nicely. Charles didn’t speak much Japanese, and she didn’t speak any English at all. (I know this because the Japanese wives tend to be very friendly and often talk to me.) Danuja, a Sri Lankan man who has lived in Japan for 11 years, had two long-term relationships with Japanese girls prior to his current Japanese girlfriend. They became friends first and it took six months for them to start dating.Compared to the Russian women he dated, Frank finds her very accommodating.For instance, when he wants to see a certain film, she usually goes with what he wants. Recently, I interviewed a lot of people for my book who had dated or married Japanese women. ‘All right, let’s leave,’ Andre said, and they left.Let me share with you some of the interesting stuff they told me about Japanese women! Andre, a Jamaican man, went on a trip with his Japanese girlfriend. This exchange seemed innocent enough to Andre, until a few months later when their relationship got tense. Andre, the aforementioned Jamaican guy, also realised that he tended to have bad experiences with girls he met in bars.Neither of them was particularly interested in the other’s country, but they got along well because of a shared interest in music and films. Marvin would defend her when American people made fun of her Japanese accent.
Dating apps are used all over the world to meet new people, whether for a simple one-night date or for a longer term relationship.
But if you want to leave, let’s leave,’ his girlfriend said.
Often, she would say something she didn’t mean, and Andre took her literally. Some of the women who frequent them are looking specifically for western men and not all of them are looking for a long-term (or honest) relationship.
In Japan, people tend to rely on non-verbal cues more than the literal meaning of messages. There’s nothing wrong with short-term dating and hook-ups.
These non-verbal cues are not obvious to everybody. The problems here are the differences in expectation and the dishonesty. Do Japanese women date Indian and other South Asian guys? The easiest way to confirm this is to visit Indian restaurants in Japan.
‘I should’ve known better because I met her in a bar,’ James says. Joshua, a Kenyan man, has mixed experiences of dating in Japan.