Gay dating guidlines
Gay dating guidlines - dating tips for interracial couples
As someone who longs for love, I’ve tried to really analyze what it is that makes dating as gay men more complex, and this is what my personal history has concluded.1. We are first and foremost men, which means most of our libidos run high, but then add to the equation the fact that we’re dating other men, and bam.I don’t care who you are, or how you identify yourself (Bear, Twink, Jock, Daddy, etc), we’re all constantly horny.
We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life.We aren't definitely going to have kids, which is why most heterosexual people start to couple up and settle down.And even today straight couples are waiting longer and longer to have children.These single gay friends come with their own baggage, and will often project that we too need to sow our wild oats. Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds.Every where we turn, it almost feels like we have everything telling us not to commit. This in some subconscious way made us less serious when it came to dating.It’s beyond hard to be vulnerable with someone else, especially when so many of us are uncomfortable with being vulnerable with ourselves.
Admitting that life isn’t peaches and cream isn’t fun, but the less honest we are with ourselves, the more guarded we become, and the more we keep our walls up.
Add to the fact that when we go to gay bars, almost everyone in that room is a possible partner in some way, and our chances are doubled. Additionally, many of us grew up insecure and full of shame, so part of coming out is feeling sexually liberated. Who, if we do meet, we most likely end up sleeping with, and confusing the relationship further. It’s a vicious cycle, and truly causes so many dating problems.
However, we often mistake the ease and casualness of the sex we can, and do have, as something other than what it really is. Thus it’s beyond difficult to meet someone we’re attracted to in every way, and keep our pants on. As gay men we grow up hiding parts of ourselves because gay still is considered different, and in a lot of places, bad.
And for better or worse, the second something starts to go sour, we have reminders that there are men everywhere.
We don’t have a lot of the commitments locking us in to relationships like straight couples do, and our single friends without even realizing it exemplify the lives we could be living.
We’re looking to fulfill a void within ourselves with a physical pleasure that does in fact feel good, but often doesn’t lead to the substance we crave in a juxtapositional way. However, we have to find out what we want on our own because we don’t grow up in a predominantly gay world. It’s totally possible, but the thought always is, “why would we? We feel like we have to hide a part of ourselves everyday for many formative years, which means we are neglecting other parts of ourselves that should be receiving precious energy.