Dating oneliners

30-Jan-2017 10:09 by 6 Comments

Dating oneliners - online dating data przyjaciele

"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company. Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops. Husbands and boyfriends are the best people to share secrets with… Plastic surgery is the work-out routine for the rich. Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally. Someone gave me the wrong directions to a massage parlor, and it rubbed me the wrong way. He wasn't amused, but he did say "You cracked me Up." Life is not a fairy tale. My vacuum broke in the middle of cleaning and I can't tell if the situation sucks or not. "The problem with quotes from the Internet, is that you can never truly verify their authenticity." -Abraham Lincoln If it's the thought that counts, think money. Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast. Just like everyone else." -Margaret Mead "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -Isaac Asimov "We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know." -W. Auden "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.

Single or taken, don't pretend you don't like any of these ...

I don't always procrastinate, but when I do, I'll do it tomorrow. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel it's warmth. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." -Ron White "Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." -Don Marquis "Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone." -Anthony Burgess "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often." -Oliver Herford "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep.

Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car." -Bob Monkhouse "At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

" -Jerry Seinfeld "If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." -Laurence J. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." -Woody Allen "Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." -Groucho Marx "Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? " -Jean Kerr "I’ve been getting into astronomy, so I installed a skylight.

" -Phyllis Diller "I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep.

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as if it might be something else, like a penguin.

I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it? Boobs are just proof that men can focus on two things at once. Just once I'd like to read a medicine bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness" Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.

Every country I visit, I have a different boyfriend. He thought he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelled the word ‘you’ and I just put the letter ‘u’. We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it’s a disservice to men. I don’t know how to talk to a specific person and connect.

If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general.

In my own relationships, I know that I should break up with someone who doesn’t encourage me to be strong and make my own choices and do what’s best in my life, so if you’re dating someone who doesn’t want you to be the best person you can be, you shouldn’t be dating them. You know, the man of my dreams might walk round the corner tomorrow. Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. It’s needing people who understand your work schedule. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. I used to be a real prince charming if I went on a date with a girl.

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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I'm a huge fan of 50 Cent, or as he's known in Zimbabwe, "Three Hundred Million Dollars." I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out? its that they figured out a way to fit "ass" into the same word twice. When you can no longer get the straw in the hole, you've had enough.

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